Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
