we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
