it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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