:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize