I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
