I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
