Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize