How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
