Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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