The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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