not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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