do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
operation harelip BJ is a go
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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