but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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