Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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