Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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