roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
