What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
