Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
