you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
