Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
