Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize