he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
