i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
