Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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