My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
