I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
