I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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