Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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