If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
