She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
