so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize