My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
