His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
