Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
