a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize