I'm jealous of your bromance
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
