you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
