Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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