I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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