dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
As shirtless as possible
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
