fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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