Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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