You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
