What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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