I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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