He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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