The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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