I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
