If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
