and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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