Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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