What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
