Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
