Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
