Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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