piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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