your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
