he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize