I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
