so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
