Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
