there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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