nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
