He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize