so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
