The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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