I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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