I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize