Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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