think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
All the doctor said was why
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
