Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..

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(216): View more from Ohio

I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?

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(561): View more from Florida

This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!

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(530): View more from California

My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.

(916): View more from California

That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.

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(914): View more from New York

I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?

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(317): View more from Indiana

I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest

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