I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize