Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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