my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
