I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
God, I missed his penis.
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