the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
