I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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